Monday, March 1, 2010
It Was Only a Matter of Time
This has been a long time coming. I'm actually surprised this hasn't come up before. This is a ranting post. If you know me at all, you know that I tend to rant about things...things I find stupid or annoying, like people who sit at green lights or the fact that iTunes won't back up your music even if you spend approximately $42,783.99. Seriously, is it too much to ask for them to keep a copy? They know you bought it, because they sure won't let you share it with anyone...Anyway, back to the matter at hand...This is about fruit. Specifically, those crappy little fruit cups that little kids carry in their lunch boxes. Who is the moron/sadist that designed these things?? Are you trying to be mean or are you just an idiot? It is physically impossible to open one without spilling that syrup all over yourself. And what's worse is, just when you think you've gotten that little plastic lid off, BAM! you try to pull off the last little bit and it spills everywhere. And this is not brand-specific. Oh no, we can't lay this all at the proverbial feet of Dole. Now, if you have one kid, maybe you don't see this as much of a problem. But when you've had to open, say, eleven of them in a row, it gets a little annoying. And it's not limited to those peaches. In fact, I once had a kid who tried to open applesauce and it went off like a bomb that would have made Hamas proud. Four people were covered with apple shrapnel. They stood there gaping while he proceeded to sit down and enjoy his lunch. When, in one of my teacher-of-the-year moments I ran over and said, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" he shrugged his shoulders and gave me one of those, "Geez, Lady, what's your problem?" looks. What indeed. And even if you manage to get that little lid off without wearing most of the contents of that stupid little cup, the kid will spill it all over the table as soon as you walk away. Then your room smells like peaches and everyone who sits at that table has stuff sticking to them all day (Picture Chevy Chase in Christmas Vacation--"Little full, Lotta sap.."). So the next time you're in the grocery store and you're looking at the (let's be honest) fake fruit, for the sake of your child's teacher, realize a) they can't open those things and b) they won't eat them....and head for the bananas.