Strange Phenomena

As a long-(way too long)-time kindergarten teacher, I have seen many strange things that seem to occur all the time. In fact, if I had a nickel for every time they happened, well, I'd have a lot of nickels. What's even stranger is that I have learned to observe these odd events without laughing. Not always easy, my friends. Anyway, here's a random sampling:

• If you ask a bunch of kindergartners a question with the words "should" or "rules" in it (as in, what should we do about this? or what is the sorting rule here?) invariably, someone will say, "Don't hit nobody and don't push nobody."
• Relatedly, if you ask kindergartners if they have any questions, they will say, "My mom say we goin' to Chuck E. Cheese tomorrow" or "One time my brother got a whoopin' cause he be gettin' in my mom's room" and no, it doesn't matter what you're talking about.
• Sometimes when the children are working quietly at their tables, one of them will inexplicably fall out of his or her chair, scramble back into it, and no one will bat an eye.
• If you show a kindergartner a picture of any member of the big cat family (lion, leopard, cougar, etc.), he or she will tell you it's a tiger. Even if you've just shown them what a tiger looks like. I don't know why.
• Even if it's the 121st day of school, and you've gone to lunch every single one of the previous 120 days, someone will ask, "Is we goin' to lunch today?"
• After you have explained what an author does and what an illustrator does numerous times, if you ask "What does the author do?" someone will say, "Writes the pictures."

Now aren't you even more impressed that I can witness this without laughing?